Week 9 – The First Christmas after Separation.

www.sharonmorrisseyconflictresolution.ie

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Do, however, read, consider and make contact, in absolute confidence, if you have been affected
by any of the issues discussed in today’s blog.
www.sharonmorrisseyconflictresolution.ie/contact


Sharon 087 6959346.

It’s almost Christmas, the happiest time of the year- or so the TV tells us,
Picture perfect ads – mom, dad 2.5 children. Perfect Christmas tree, perfect
lights, perfect gifts, food on the table, mom and dad lovingly looking at each
other and the perfect family…


Fills the heart with joy and a warm fuzzy feeling.

Firstly I wonder was it ever like that in my family, is it like this in any family.
I’m unsure that it is.


Christmas is a time of stress, pressure, money worries – no matter what the
situation is, consumerism at Christmas, makes me feel that I’m not good
enough. Not fulfilling my role as a parent, as a partner, as a daughter, as a sister,
as a sister in law and as an aunt- not good enough!!! If my family haven’t the
‘picture perfect’ I have failed.
Ok, so, now add on top of all the expectations, my relationship with my partner
has failed. We tried to work through our issues, however counselling did not
succeed and we decided that my now (ex) would move out. Now what have we
got?


A fight over who goes where for Christmas, who buys what, who is the best
parent-does that equate which parent buys more?


I don’t know what to do, there is no book. It’s too raw to talk to my ex, I am too
sad. This loss is too huge for me and I’m lonely, so lonely. I have no desire to
put a Christmas tree up. Physically I don’t even know how I will get them down
from the attic. My husband always did that. Maybe I’ll try and get them down
tomorrow when the children are at school and before I go to work, or I could
ask my ex-husband at the weekend when he collects the children. I’ll try myself
first. I’m not sure I’d be comfortable with that.


What about Santa- who takes the children to Santa? Do they go twice, do we
pretend and play ‘happy family’ for the day? What would Seanie and Sally think
if we did this? I’m unsure I could manage that. What would the children think,
would they think we were back together- and then I would have to tell them all
over again. They would cry and ask to go to McDonalds- bless them.


Who comes to dinner, what about access, what about money, how do I keep
myself together over this time- who do I talk to?


Traditionally at this point mediation services are quiet due to parents in this
instance attempting to keep relationships together for ‘the sake of the children’
Christmas is such an emotional time for families The first Christmas after
family breakdown and separation will be an exceptionally emotive time for
parents and children , all for different reasons.

For the resident parent, they may feel lonely angry resentful and perhaps guilty
for feeling peaceful/content. Possible overburdened and overwhelmed
financially and emotionally.
For the non-resident parent, exactly the same feelings but for very different
reasons.
These feelings are real and factual for the people and as the adults are
attempting to negotiate these feelings, how can children be protected?
Mediation can facilitate parents to make the arrangements necessary to ensure
children and parents needs are being met.


At
www.sharonmorrisseyconflictresolution.ie we provide a suite of services to
support you as parents to be present and aware of the decisions that we make as
parents and how they may possibly impact our children.


We work with Psychotherapists, Psychologists, Child Consultants, Family
Lawyers, Financial Specialists, Relationship Counsellors, and Family Mediator,
Child inclusive and Child Focused Mediation.


It is the aim to support you through your separation and endeavour to make the
difficult process, less difficult.


For further information please use the link
www.sharonmorrisseyconflictresolution.ie/contact
Or Contact Sharon Morrissey on 087 6959346