As I say ‘Don’t ‘like’ my posts (if you think by doing so will draw attention to you/your pain)
Do, however, read, consider and make contact, in absolute confidence, if you have been affected
by any of the issues discussed in today’s blog. www.sharonmorrisseyconflictresolution.ie/contact
Sharon 087 6959346.
Separation is not easy.
It is a myriad of emotions all in one. Sadness, anger, denial, happiness, relief, pain. It is a
decision to no longer live together, that maybe physically or it may not. Possibly it maybe in
the same house but in different rooms.
The issue with separation is that takes a mammoth amount of emotional and psychological
unscrambling. To see yourself as a single person as opposed to part of a couple. This requires
a change in thinking.
‘We’ becoming ‘I’.
Separation is not a one step process, usually three, however each process can take different
amounts of time, and people may swing between the routes like a pendulum.
It is essential that you are gentle with yourself during this time. Take alone time if needed,
spend time with supportive friends and family members, and if necessary see your GP for
As stated earlier, there is the physical separation. Be that leaving the house physically or
removing yourself from your ex-partners bed, there is a physical leaving.
If you are the ‘leaver’ this part of the process is easier, however, the ex-partner ‘left’ may find
this part very difficult, especially if the relationship was long term.
This for some people may take up to two years to come to terms with. At this point, it is not
uncommon for ex-partners to end up together in the same bed reminiscing of old memories
and old times. Should this be a once off or happen a number of times, try to be kind to
yourself, try not to punish yourself, however in so far as possible try to be mindful of the
‘left’ ex-partners feelings.
This is a difficult stage. It implicates separating from your now ex-partner emotionally. As the
emotions flow, seek support (as above).
You are grieving, there will be the stages of grieving, denial, anger, depression, bargaining
and finally acceptance. Failure to grieve, will stop you from moving forward and will keep
you enmeshed with your ex-partner, on an emotional level.
Remaining entangled with your ex-partner can display itself in different ways, from
pretending you can be friends, to huge levels of conflict. Conflict is one of the strategies
people use to continue connection on an emotional level.
Ex-partners will know that you are on the way to emotional separation when they can talk to
each other in what is described as a ‘businesslike’ way. When you find yourself less
interested in what your ex-partner is doing, and have more interest in your own life.
This means you are able to experience yourself as separate from your ex-partner. It also
means that you no longer wish to be involved in the relationship the children have with their
other parent, and you believe they are safe and happy when they are with their other parent.
Psychological separation signifies a move in thinking from the past to the future. There is a
improving sense of self, discovery of new friends, new hobbies, plans for the ‘I’ instead of
Having an open mind about the future, and not seeing the past with rose tinted glasses. This
part is important. The ability to see the past for what it was, and to be fully aware of the
reasons you separated in the future.
At www.sharonmorrisseyconflictresolution.ie we provide a suite of services to support you as
parents to be present and aware of the decisions that we make as parents and how they
may possibly impact our children.
We work with Psychotherapists, Psychologists, Child Consultants, Family Lawyers,
Financial Specialists, Relationship Counsellors, and Family Mediator, Child inclusive and
Child Focused Mediation.
It is the aim to support you through your separation and endeavour to make the difficult
process, less difficult.
For further information please use the link www.sharonmorrisseyconflictresolution.ie/contact
Or Contact Sharon Morrissey on 087 6959346