Week 7 – Don’t Like my Posts

As I say ‘Don’t ‘like’ my posts (if you think by doing so will draw attention to you/your pain)
Do, however, read, consider and make contact, in absolute confidence, if you have been affected
by any of the issues discussed in today’s blog.
www.sharonmorrisseyconflictresolution.ie/contact


Sharon 087 6959346

WORK IN PROGRESS!!!

As a Family Mediator I spend time observing communication styles. Verbal non-verbal
communication. The cues that make us feel angry, frightened, loved, respected and or
disrespected.


All of these emotions can occur through non-verbal communication. Sometimes it is not
what we say. It is how we look.


These emotions usually happen when we have been in intimate relationships with
someone. The person we hoped we would have a future with, had dreams with, and had

plans with. The partners we shared intimate details, feelings and inner thoughts with. The
partners we had children with.


When we are in the space where we are separating and engaging in an access plan,
communication with our ex-partners will have a significant impact on our children.
If we are communicating non-verbally, our children become aware very quickly that this
relationship is different than any other relationship their parent has.
When mom is at the shop, she talks to the cashier- but mom doesn’t talk to dad…Why is
that?


When dad is driving me back to mom’s house, he talks all the time in the car, but when I
go to mom, dad doesn’t wave goodbye.
Children feel confused and wonder, may ask or use behaviours to try and establish ‘Why
the two most important people in my life that I love most in the world not talk to each
other?


How do we go about explaining this to our children?
Firstly, we need to figure it out for ourselves. As the ‘leaver or the left’ we feel hurt,
angry, confused, sad, lonely etc., etc., etc.,


I propose that there is a lot of inward reflection, growth and journey to a place where
parents can function with their ex-partner on a W.I.P. (Work in Progress).
Imagine as the adult you are starting a new job in a new place of employment. Some
colleagues you will like and possibly form a relationship with, with management however,
your roles will be clearly defined.
Would you as an employee (as a rule) be disrespectful towards a colleague/manager?
Would you as the employee ignore you management’s requests and/or act aggressively
towards them?
As a parent our children are what we teach them to be.


As an individual we can only control our behaviour and teach by example. We are not in
control of how others react towards it. We can only be mindful of our part in the system.
One small change in our own behaviour, will have a ripple effect. It may initially be small.
For example, it’s waving goodbye to the child in the car.


It’s saying hello when the parent comes to collect child for access.
It may possibly be as tiny as trying to look at your ex-partner for a split second when they
are collecting or dropping.


It’s encouraging your child that it is ok with you to be with their mom/dad for the
weekend, that you will be fine and they will have a lovely time with the other parent.
I also propose that parents need to have an outlet, the space to talk to someone (possibly
professional) to walk, cycle, go for a cuppa, watch TV whatever you need to support
yourself to be present to explain to your child how to communicate and continue the
W.I.P.

At www.sharonmorrisseyconflictresolution.ie we provide a suite of services to support you as
parents to be present and aware of the decisions that we make as parents and how they
may possibly impact our children.


We work with Psychotherapists, Psychologists, Child Consultants, Family Lawyers,
Financial Specialists, Relationship Counsellors, and Family Mediator, Child inclusive and
Child Focused Mediation.


It is the aim to support you through your separation and endeavour to make the difficult
process, less difficult.


For further information please use the link
www.sharonmorrisseyconflictresolution.ie/contact/
Or Contact Sharon Morrissey on 087 6959346