Week 5 – Don’t ‘like’ my posts….

This week: Seanie and Sally’s Co-Parenting Plan….or possible lack there of..


As I say ‘Don’t ‘like’ my posts (if you think by doing so will draw attention to you/your pain)
Do, however, read, consider and make contact, in absolute confidence, if you have been affected
by any of the issues discussed in today’s blog.
sharonmorrisseyconflictresolution.ie/contact

Sharon 087 6959346.

Hello,
Last week we met Seanie and Sally who are very much struggling with their
parent’s relationship breakdown. Seanie is attempting to protect Sally but he is
so small and really he doesn’t know what’s going on himself.

As Seanie and Sally’s parents are in such turmoil themselves they are finding it
difficult to focus on the needs of their children.


All parents believe wholeheartedly that they are doing the best for their
children.


However, at this stage, the relationship has broken down and it’s no longer
‘mom’ or ‘dad’ its ‘your mother/father’, its access, custody, residential/nonresidential parent, its maintenance applications, its applicant and respondent, it’s
the letter saying ‘Your relationship has irretrievably broken down’ Thus
renaming ‘Seanie and Sally’ the ‘children of the relationship/marriage’ No
longer Seanie and Sally.


Desensitising us as parents to the impact of our conflictual relationship on our
children.


So realistically where do Seanie and Sally fit into this arrangement?
Seanie and Sally go from seeing both parents every day to having ‘access’ with
the other parent. Who explains to the children what ‘access’ is… or is ‘access’
over explained …..


How did we as parents explain to Seanie and Sally that ‘the applicant and
respondent’ no longer co-habit and one will be leaving the family home.

What happens if either applicant or respondent do not want to have Seanie or
Sally over the weekend? How does the applicant/respondent explain.. ‘Your
father/mother doesn’t want to see you this weekend… they are too busy with
work..pub..new boyfriend/girlfriend’?


Can we as parents take a moment to imagine how confused Seanie and Sally
might be?


Let us take a journey.
It’s Seanie and Sally’s Christmas play. Seanie is an elf and Sally is a fairy. They
are so excited, they haven’t stopped talking about this… (it feels like years!!! )
You are dressing the children for the play and all they can talk about is how
great it will be to see their other parent.
You begin to feel yourself getting angry, you can feel it in the pit of your
tummy. You think…’I am here dressing you, I paid for the clothes you are
wearing and I have listened to, and thought you the songs for ….what feels like


YEARS!! And all you want is to see your other parent……….
What do you say?
How do you manage your frustration?
What words/ responses do you use to let these children know what you
think of their other parent?
What research tells us
It is in the best interests of Seanie and Sally and their relationship with
both parents
A relationship with both parents is Seanie and Sally’s RIGHT, it’s not
about the right of the applicant or respondent and it is certainly not based
on whether maintenance is paid or not.


Mediation with a Child Focus will ensure the rights of your children are being
heard from an independent unattached view.


Contact details:
sharonmorrisseyconflictresolution.ie/contact
Sharon Morrissey: 087 6959346.