Week 10 – The First Christmas after Separation.

Don’t Like my Posts


As I say ‘Don’t ‘like’ my posts (if you think by doing so will draw attention to you/your pain)
Do, however, read, consider and make contact, in absolute confidence, if you have been affected
by any of the issues discussed in today’s blog.
www.sharonmorrisseyconflictresolution.ie/contact

Sharon 087 6959346

This is my first Christmas on my own without the children and my wife, without my home.
Last year I was so unhappy, all the stress and fighting and pretending we were all happy
with the family over for Christmas. We all drank too much and ended up fighting so much.
I hated being married, I felt so lonely. Lonely in a house full of noise. It was all so
stressful, arguments over money, who was coming to dinner, people needing to spend
money for the sake of spending money.

Christmas makes me feel like a failure. Failure as a husband, failure as a father, as an
uncle, a brother, And now I’m a lonely man, living in a flat where Seanie and Sally stay
over every second weekend, so now we have decorated their bedrooms, but I still do not
have Christmas decorations. Shall I bring the children to buy Christmas decorations, would
this make them sad? I don’t know. Im angry. Angry that I am not with my children, angry
that I am not in my home, angry that I have to start over…. There were two of us that
caused this relationship breakdown, My relationship has not only broken down, I have lost
my whole life. How is this fair?


How to I keep myself together, who can I talk to? Is there any point in going on?
This year… well this year I’m lonely. I don’t know when I will see my children, I have no
idea will we go to see Santa together, will we send letters together. Do I purchase a gift
for my ex-wife? From me? From the children? If I do that do I take the children with me. If
I take them with me will they think we are back together? I can’t go back to trying to
explain to the children that mommy and daddy don’t live together anymore. It’s too sad.
I wonder how Mary will get the decorations down from the attic, I used to always do that.
Should I offer? If I offer will Mary think I want to go back. As lonely as I am now- I don’t
want to go back.


How do we negotiate where the children go for Christmas? This will cause an argument I
know that it will. We are both finding this so hard there will be a row. Oh how I wish
things were different. Traditionally at this point mediation services are quiet due to
parents in this instance attempting to keep relationships together for ‘the sake of the
children’ Christmas is such an emotional time for families The first Christmas after family
breakdown and separation will be an exceptionally emotive time for parents and children ,
all for different reasons.


For the resident parent, they may feel lonely angry resentful and perhaps guilty for feeling
peaceful/content. Possible overburdened and overwhelmed financially and emotionally.
For the non-resident parent, exactly the same feelings but for very different reasons.
These feelings are real and factual for the people and as the adults are attempting to
negotiate these feelings, how can children be protected?


Mediation can facilitate parents to make the arrangements necessary to ensure children
and parents needs are being met.


At www.sharonmorrisseyconflictresolution.ie we provide a suite of services to support you as
parents to be present and aware of the decisions that we make as parents and how they
may possibly impact our children.


We work with Psychotherapists, Psychologists, Child Consultants, Family Lawyers,
Financial Specialists, Relationship Counsellors, and Family Mediator, Child inclusive and
Child Focused Mediation.
It is the aim to support you through your separation and endeavour to make the difficult
process, less difficult.


For further information please use the link www.sharonmorrisseyconflictresolution.ie/contact
Or Contact Sharon Morrissey on 087 6959346